Polluted
by Mel's Merleawe
Summary: My life is imperfect. My boyfriend is cheating on me. They knew I would see it but I'll show them. Stupid fools. I am perfection. Warning: AU & Character Death
1. Chapter 1

_**Polluted **_

Chapter 1 - _Sakura_

"I HATE MY LIFE!" Throwing her cell phone to her living room wall, she collapsed onto the floor. She crawled to her bathroom. Questions ran through her head as she was rummaging through her medicine cabinet. Confusion swallowed her and the tiny bit of self-confidence she had left.

Desperately, she reached for the sharp edge she had been using for the past few years. She had been craving for it the entire school day. She pulled up her sleeve, revealing a pale wrist followed by the scars she made before and stood memorized. Then the overwhelming helplessness and disgust washed over her.

She remembered how stupid and wrong she was about everything. Self hatred poured over her and she cut. Relief past through while filling in the space of the blood that now flowed down her hand. Again, she cut herself. It was an agonizing process combined with pain and pleasure. She started to think about her best friends Tomoyo and Meiling. She thought about _**him**__. I hate my life. Why does everything have to be like this?_

In every school there were groups. Always with groups. Always with groups that categorized each other. It was sick and disgusting living in it everyday. _**She**_ was the school's hottest girl, president of the school committee, leader of the cheerleading squad, as well as lead performer in vocal, drama, and art. The girl that every guy wanted to be seen with and every girl strived for. _**She**_ was named the "IT" girl in the school newspaper as well as in several magazines.

Everyone wanted to be her, to be seen with her but it was so annoying. Confusing because sometimes she didn't know who wanted to be on her side and who would side against her the moment a rumor was based on her. She thought that her _**boyfriend **_was on her side. Did she have to be a girlfriend that stalked every move her boyfriend made? Did she place her trust on the wrong person? Maybe they weren't meant to be together. Should she just let it go or should she just ignore it?

She transferred to this school in hope of escaping her abusive father, drunken mother and pervert of a brother. She had her own apartment, her own space with money she saved for years. Finally it was coming true. The life she always wanted. She registered to be in the school nearby. She transformed herself and made sure no one in the school would ever know how she was like before. If they knew she was a _**freak**_ then they wouldn't like her at all.

When she entered the school, she made sure to find out who was popular and who wasn't. She couldn't afford a mistake this time. Two days later, the people in the popular group, Tomoyo and Meiling, became her friends and she became popular. She signed up for the cheerleading team, vocal, drama and art programs. She had gotten to be leader in every single one and was voted to be the president of the student council.

Upon transforming herself, she made sure she looked beautiful. Acted fun and laid back. Drank alcohol when needed to and took drugs when they wanted her to. A few weeks after, _**he**_ asked her out. _**He**_ was the most popular in the high school; the hottest and leading person in gym and sports. _**She**_ said yes. _**She **_thought that now, everything was perfect but she was wrong.

Life in high school started to become consuming. People started to spread rumors about her. She knew that this would be the start of her downfall but who had started it? She ordered someone from her fan club to find out. She should have stopped because she found out a week later on her own. Her _**boyfriend**_ was having sex with her friends. Both of them. Both of them betrayed her. She trusted her boyfriend to come back to her however, so she ignored it.

Cutting herself was the best way to ignore it. It was the only way to ignore the imperfections of her life. That her boyfriend was cheating on her with her friends. Finally the last straw came when she saw _**Syaoran**_ getting stranded by _**Meiling**_ when he was suppose to wait for her. _**Tomoyo**_ was giggling her horrible little laugh while video taping. They knew she would see it. They knew that she wouldn't do anything about it. That's how life works.

She decided that this was enough. She would cut and cut herself and then take the pain pills she bought the night before. She would show them, those utterly stupid fools. She would be victorious. _I'll make them pay._ She had asked people to do favors for her that the next day. Their lockers would be full of bugs and insects. They would have graffiti on their houses tomorrow. She imagined the lovely horrified screams those ugly mouths could produce. It was music in her ears.

Though, right now, it was time to cut. Cut with the sharp little blade from the bathroom cabinet. Cut and cut her arms, legs, body. It would be a sea of red. How pretty it would be. She giggled and giggled until she started hysterically laughing. Laughing until her stomach hurt. She didn't need the pills anymore. Cutting was enough, it was plentiful. It was perfection.

-5 years later-

A couple stood around Sakura's gravestone. "She went crazy." Tomoyo choked a sob. "She thought we were all planning to sabotage her. She must have been so lonley." Syaoran put a hand on her shoulder. "She's better this way. She was suffering a lot. It eased her from her pain" Tomoyo turned around screaming, "This is OKAY? She thought she transferred here! She thought her parents were alive. They were dead ten years ago! They're all dead! She didn't even have a brother! She talked and talked about her family and how she got away and how everything was going to be perfect. Why did she go crazy? Why?"

Tomoyo sank down on her knees. Syaoran crouched down, cradling her in his arms until she stopped crying. They stood up and walked away. The rings on their hands glittered. They walked together, away from her. Maybe she would finally rest in peace.

-

Disclaimer: I do not own Card Captor Sakura.

A/N: This is a repost of the story.

3/30/2010: Edited the chapter.

-_Mel's Merleawe_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Polluted **_

Chapter 2 – _Tomoyo_

Standing here with my husband did nothing to elevate my fears. Looking down on the gravestone made me _remember._ I remembered those awful moments. It made me cry and ask 'Where did my friend go?'

- Five Years Ago -

Being Sakura's best friend for years, I noticed that she started to acting differently during high school. Sakura's grades had dropped dramatically. She couldn't remember her lines in drama. She didn't sing at all in vocal. She didn't even attend cheerleading practice. She muttered to herself all day long. I had voiced my opinions to Syaoran and Meiling but they passed it off as her being tired.

It was when she started talking about her family that I started to panic. She ranted and raved about her father hitting her all the time, her mother drinking from morning to night and how her brother _touched_ her. Her family had died five years ago. The family itself was extremely close. I slept over enough times to know that they had a rule about not drinking alcohol. And she didn't even have a brother.

But I pushed it to the back of my mind, desperately praying that she was alright and that nothing was wrong with her. On one afternoon, we were fooling around, talking about a play I found in the drama room when Sakura suddenly appeared with that _weird_ expression on her face.

I went home that day. Wanting to know if she was at home so we could talk, I called her cell phone. No one picked up. I thought that maybe she was busy.

A few hours later I was cooking dinner when I spotted one of my small knives. I remembered the times I had caught a glimpse of her arms. Cuts _littered_ her arms. Every patch of skin I saw had a cut. I thought that it had been my imagination at work but piecing together her behavior the past few months, I realized those cuts had been real. I called Syaoran and Meiling to meet at Sakura's apartment because I knew she was in trouble.

When we got to Sakura's apartment, Syaoran started knocking the door. We didn't hear a response so we slammed on the door to open. I rushed to the bathroom and screamed out in shock. My best friend, confident, cousin, the person I could count on was leaning against the bath tub. Blood was pouring out of her self-inflicted wounds. I sank down to my knees and cried. Meiling came in a few minutes later. She slumped down and embraced me. Syaoran went to call the police.

- Flashback End -

I learned later on that the loss of her parents and the pressure of school had suffocated her, making her feel suicidal and angry. I wished I hadn't pushed it into the back of my mind. I wished I told someone about the suicidal signs and helped Sakura. Looking at the gravestone always made me remember.

My husband nudged me softly. "Let's go, Tomoyo." I gave him a small smile. "Hai."

-

Disclaimer: I do not own Card Captor Sakura.

A/N: After reading over my first chapter for _**Polluted**_, I felt like I should put it in another perspective. Should I include Syaoran's and Meiling's or just leave it like this?

3/30/2010: Revise and Edit. Changed time period.

-_Mel's Merleawe_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Polluted **_

Chapter 3 – _Syaoran _

On days when we went to the graveyard, Tomoyo was devastated. She would sob her heart out. Even though I could embrace her, there was nothing else I could do to help her. Nothing to make the pain that reflected in her eyes to go away. I understand how she felt, the helplessness of being unable to help Sakura sooner.

- Five Years Ago –

I know that I'm not as close to Sakura as Tomoyo. Meiling and I transferred here in junior high. And by high school, we were a tight group of friends. We would have group outings every week. We would joke with each other and talk to each other about our fears, feelings, dreams - everything and anything. However, Meiling and I weren't always so carefree.

I was part of the Li clan, a prestigious and complicated family. There were strict rules about all everything. You were not allowed to show emotions. You were to keep your thoughts to yourself. You were _employed_ to use every advantage you had to lead the Li's to more prosperity. These were only some of the spoken and non-spoken rules.

My mother had voiced her concerns to me. She was proud of our family but she did not want me to become a block of ice, emotionless and uncaring towards other people like my father came to be. So she sent me, along with my close cousin Meiling, to Japan in hopes of leaving a strict environment to a less strict one. Japan was close enough to ease the clan of elders, who wanted to keep an eye on us.

I admit that I was turning into a block of ice. Compared to Tomoyo and Sakura, we were frigid and cold as winter. They slowly but surely broke the barrier and we came out of our icy shells. We developed to become extremely close friends.

In the beginning of high school, I asked Sakura out. A week later we broke up. Why? It was because we were close friends that it seemed weird that we were together. The relationship felt like I was going out with my sister. We discussed about it and agreed that everything was alright between us.

About a couple of days later, Tomoyo announced to me that Sakura's attitude along with her personality had _changed_. Not in a good way but in a bad one. I passed it off. I told her, "She's just tired. Maybe she needs to lay back or quit some of the clubs she's involved with." However, I was worried. Tomoyo rarely gets upset about anything and it must have been truly serious for her to speak out loud about it.

The next couple of days, I observed Sakura. Besides wearing long sleeves all the time and twitching when any of us talked, nothing else was wrong with her actions. After I observed her though, Meiling started to give Sakura looks. I asked her what was wrong. She said it was nothing. I just passed it off as something girls would only understand.

It didn't seem out of place that we didn't see much of Sakura. Most likely she was busy with her cheerleading practice or other clubs.

It was on a quiet evening when Tomoyo called me. "Sakura's in trouble! Meet me up at her apartment. Please hurry!" She cut the phone call off. It was a couple of seconds before her words sunk in. When it did, I rushed out of my house and ran. Tomoyo was already there and Meiling came a few seconds afterwards. Tomoyo told us that at one time she saw Sakura's arms filled with cuts. What if she was trying to commit suicide?

I started banging on the door. What Tomoyo said, along with my own observations and how she had been acting this year came together and formed one obvious conclusion. She was trying to kill herself. How did I not see it before? How could I have just let it go? I slammed against the door. After a few tries, it opened. I frantically looked around before heading to her bedroom. She wasn't there. Tomoyo's scream pierced through the walls.

I dashed to where the sound was located and saw what had made Tomoyo scream. Sakura was bleeding, horribly, everywhere. I repeated in my mind: the hospital, the hospital, I have to call them. I called them and the police. After I had hanged up, I went back to the bathroom. I searched through the cabinets. Where were the bandages? Tomoyo and Meiling just _sat_ there. "We have to get her to stop bleeding! Help me find the bandages." I looked into the bathroom cabinet. There! I wrapped the bandages around her arms.

The ambulance came. They informed us that we came too late. She was already dead before we got there. The police also gave the conclusions of their search. The evidence from her diary and her past records showed that she had not gotten any therapy after her parents died. It had most likely built up on her in high school and she couldn't take it anymore. It pressured her into suicidal thoughts.

High school wasn't the same anymore.

- Flashback End –

We got better with therapy and over time the pain faded into the back of our minds. Every year we would visit her graveyard but when we were there, the reminder made me recall the experience. It made me remember the whole episode over and over again. Every night before, after, and on the day of her death, my mind would repeat the emotions, the scene, it was overwhelming.

It was five years later when we actually got around to visiting her. I had married Tomoyo the year before. And we decided to visit her. Tomoyo had broken down but we got through in the end.

Life has so much twists and turns, so many regrets and disappointments. This was one regret that I desperately wished I could change.

-

Disclaimer: I do not own Card Captor Sakura.

A/N: This story is making my mood extremely depressing especially when I write it. Hmm… Definitely not writing another angst story.

Next chapter: The missing pieces of Tomoyo and Syaoran's relationship and Meiling's side of the friendship will be revealed.

3/30/2010: Edited over.

-_Mel's Merleawe_


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